Even right now?

- I always want to be drunk.

Stranger is back!

- Telus finally called me back and mumbled something to my voice mail. I think they want me to pick up the phone they received but never notified me of. They said I had to wait 2-3 days for delivery - 2 weeks, 4 calls and 2 voice mails later...

- Slept for 4 hours last night as Lexi and I stayed up and cozy with tea 'till 2h watching Big Fish. It was worth it, of course. Losing my watch in the drunk cottage sexcapade is beginning to cause more damage than I thought.

+ Re-read extensive e-mail from a stranger. I'm smiling. So pleased.

- So so so get this, Mrs. Cunty Mgr The Underhanded held the usual Tuesday meeting but added me to her usual announcements. Apparently I'm taking a leave of absence and will return on the 15th of July. So not to worry, all ye agents who are so fond of her, no animosity nor fretting, please. Administration has nothing to do with her leaving, see? We're sweet and innocent, see? I can't believe someone could be so underhanded as to tell an outright lie and not even, like, trick me into confirming her story... I mean, when people started coming up to me saying "So when are you coming back? You won't be gone long, eh?" and I go "Wha? I'm never coming back..." I thought hasn't Mrs. Cunty put herself in a pretty awkward position? Doesn't this make her look even worse? She wants to avoid this situation looking - exactly like it is. A "Sylvie" repeat. A pushing and elbowing out of an excellent employee out.

+ Going to see Steph after work! Unless her nona needs help, she's just too tired and sick or would rather get drunk with another friend. We'll see. That was momentary rage talking. I'm not bothered in the least.

+ I would reaaally love to shoot a rifle some day. A shotgun, too.

+ Plans with Kim Tuesday! Missed Dereks album launch '_' right... hoh well.

________________________________________________

Reading: Guilty Pleasures by Laurell K. Hamilton (from Lexi)

Streaming: Silence. Boredom.
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All about sex.

+ I love it when you have to go in a pharmacy and replenish your condom supply. Such a satisfactory feeling. Triumph. And it's like a get-through-all-these-new-ones. challenge. Last time I bought, it was 6h30 in the morning and the gas attendant was not impressed. Fucking hilarious.

- I really can't see how I can get Eric to just step up already and make a proper move. He's all talk and I'm all physical hints. The other day he said I probably needed a refresher on how his cologne smelt so I got up close and put my face in his chest - which is probably the most direct we've gotten - but when I asked if I smelled just as good and lifted my hair from my neck he got all Oh I can't smell it and awkward ed off out the door. Man.

+ Was talking to Lexi yesterday (tots just wrote YEASTerday, thanks BB keyboard) and mentioned how I realized I have helped Adam cheat on three of his girlfriends now. THREE. Jess calls me the Queen of Inappropriate (I wish it wasn't the case for her sake. I wish I'd stop embarrassing her) but it feels more like a badge. Heh heh yeah... Badge.

- This other one, we're trying to meet up. He's all about fucking itineraries though (pun!) and wants to set limitations to first meetings and NOW HE JUST ASKED IF I'D 3SOME HIS GF man oh man. What a dirt bag.

- FB Inbox remains empty. Fuck that shit. Ughghgh fuck ME.
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

Checked that box, thank lotr.

+ Cottage was amazingly hilarious. Except for some things that went poorly in and around the cottage itself (overflowing tap, messy un-helped by guests clean-up) I think everyone had a good time. Guest list included best firends as well as two exes. YES I CHECKED THAT EX BOX. ABOUT FOUR TIMES. IT WAS AMAZING.

- The warp I'm stuck in because of those certain evening happenings is obviously my own fault and not at all regretted but still causing heart palpitations. What this may have done to others.

- Job search is horrible. Horrible.

- Could pause to finish my fucking taxes but I won't.

-Don't know how this Tues/Wed weekend of mine could be any less productive or more boring. Alone with my thoughts is killing me. I've been feeling lame and down (and cold) and lonely. Yesterday and today have been spent thinking "It's only like 11h am, what the fuck am I going to do all day".

+ ...there seriously aren't any pluses today. Let's wait to see what my fb inbox says later. Fuck my fb inbox.

+ Spent some time at Lexi's work with her, drawing, blabbing, setting up some serious ten year old ringuette playing girls for Laser Tag. Realized that I now must play Laser Tag. Or at least control the smoke machine at all times.

- Ahhh sent some pretty lame drunk texts to a guy who probably didn't want to hear what my drunk fingers had to say. Have since sort of apologized without reading over the sms thread. Hope it's not as bad as I seem to remember.Dude did not care. Don't remember much from the cottage weekend. Kind of wish I did. Self control went back to what it was at 16. Can you blame me? It was beyond hot. Over and over.

+ MARTINE IS COMING TO MONTREAL I'M JUST WAITING TO FIND OUT WHEN!!! UNFORTUNATELY I WAS LURKING BOB'S FB FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS AND IT LOOKS LIKE MAYBE HE'S GOING TO BE HERE AS WELL... HOW DOES THIS ALL COME BACK TO HAUNT ME AT ONCE??

Cottage Weekend

EXTREME ULTIMATE SCORE.

Cottage Weekends

+ Monday Steph and I sat in the sun, had sushi (meh), saw Star Treck "Are you out of your VULCAN MIND?!" loled...

+ Tuesday we had Jell-o shots and she passed out at 11... again! hahaha... so I drank, chatted and drunk showered (always the best idea) at 1am.

+ Wednesday Jess Kory Steve and I had Sushi Perrot (ALWAYS AMAZING) then Steve and I sat around and... well didn't really do anything eventful. A little How I Met Your Mother, a little Bing Bang Theory, a little JT and Andy Samberg.

- Thursday I worked and finally went in to talk to Rachel. I exagerated this huge story to try and get them to "lay me off". So stressful, such a bitch. She's such a fucking bitch.

- The Ogre underhandedly accused me of not making up charge sheets when an agent I like gets supplies. Real nice. Real fucking nice. Fuck you. That's fucking it.

+ Going up to Jess' cottage directly after work today. Odd team we've gathered up... I'm hoping some of them don't come. Thank LOTR Steve and Bobby will be there. A little worried about my car... power steering is cranky and gas gauge is worrysome. They better have money for my tanks hunger.

Edit: Guess who else just joined the cottage party. Bobby called me at 4h30 to warn me: ADAM! This will either be a horrible unbearable time for everyone or everything could be great and fun. I'm hopeing for the latter. When is the last time I saw that fucker...???

MWGC Fail

+ It's a Tuesday, which means MWGC

- Lexi and Jess couldn't make it

- Steph passed out an hour ago ('round quarter to 11)

+ We had Jell-o shots (like an 18 ice cube tray each) and two drinks. I'm spber now and Steph. Is. Sleep.

+...?

+ Sushi tomorrow.

- Can't afford it.

+ Grae e-mailed me back!

_____________________________________________

Reading: Said Un-nameable Manuscript

Streaming: New Metric is in my head...
_____________________________________________
+ Want to:
Get in touch with Grae, it's been a whole month... emialed him a poem and heard a response. Excellent. So glad.
______________________________________________

Sooo Twitter?

+/- http://twitter.com/cassdash I never understood this Tweet'n bidness (still think it's pretty lame - what are you doing, right now? is all) until Lexi sent me the link of celeb Twtterers. Found Jamie Oliver http://twitter.com/jamie_oliver on my own which is great becuase not only does he say things like "hunkey-dorey" and "chuffed", he write them. He can be terrifyingly manic when cooking (which makes me want to fuck him and his loose mouth) so following is fun. Through Lexi's celeb link I also found:
Charley Boorman: http://twitter.com/CharleyBoorman If I can't stalk Ewan McGregor at least I can stalk his motorcyclin' mate.
John Mayer: http://twitter.com/johncmayer He's such an assholey douch, it should be LOTS of fun to watch it unravel.
Peaches Geldof: http://twitter.com/peaches_g Like her style and - GELDOF
Matt Perry: http://twitter.com/langfordperry lawl. He tweets. lawl.
Kevin Smith: http://twitter.com/ThatKevinSmith He's so rank!
Hugh Jackman: http://twitter.com/RealHughJackman Not so interesting but def fun to read and pretend you can hear him talking to you in his accent. Mmmm... sex in a tweet.
Joseph Gordon Levitt!: http://twitter.com/hitrecordjoe Amazingly attractive man, art fan and star of excellent films. Just found him in a really awkward hyperlink way... the things you discover about people you only sortof know can be amazing.

- I'm stuck at the Pointe Claire office again and and, for the second time this week, suicidal. I ALSO GOT HERE EARLY... I thought it was 10h-4h but it's 10h30-4h30 which mean I was here a half hour early and have to leave a half hour later than previously thought. That's an extra hour or torturus mix 96 music and struggling with this ancient phone system while staringly out the door longingly directly into the SAQ.

- BBQ at Nick and Amanda's tonight? With her fam? Er?

+ Speaking of; got a whole new box of Awake blck tea.
_______________________________________________

Reading: Lame manuscript. Ran out of books, ugh.

Streaming: Sounds of the photocopier.
_______________________________________________

Fuck post-its. I love post-its.

-/+ It's mother fuckin' pouring.

+ Metric is "following" ME on my new lame Twitter!!! (...yes along with 10,000 otherrrrs)

- I have been advised of my hours being cut (again) by a post-it.

- I'm almost done my Hemingway and have no hope of any new book turning up before I'm doomed at the Pointe Claire office again tomorrow so it's looks like I'm going to have to dl some shit I probably don't even want to read.

+ I started theorizing re: LOST on Lexi's Adrians wall and quickly ran out of room... moved it into word and then had to make a "note" because it was so outlandishly nerd-long. I'm kind of proud for thinking it up, though. There's a lot of theories on forum sites but nadda yet about my "intro screen always white LOST on black background now inversed could mean the switch of an era from Man in Black to Jacobs Time for the next and finale season when we thought all along we were in the Jacob Time and the Man in Black has only now been revealed to us in full".

- Started Twittering. Still don't get "it", but it does look as though it may end up a great stalking tool. I want that manic Jamie Oliver man.

_________________________________________________

Reading: The Garden of Eden, Hemingway

Streaming: America's Next Top Model finale and 90210 on Youtube and now crap french radio.
_________________________________________________

License day!

- I'm stuck at the Pte Claire office and basically want to kill myself.

+ I got my license plate today, everything is done and set in my name. It's shiny, white and sparkly and blue. It has my birthday day in it and the letter are cool - not that I really care about that at all. Jess said when she went she had the girl go through them until she found one she liked haha.

- Adrian has refered to me as "a fellow ginge" and the guy that was in town with Steph's Andrew said something derogatory about red-heads then turned to me and said "no offence". So it's basically official - I'm a ginge.

+ Freckles are coming out hardcore

- I actually spent money on makeup today. Sephora is way too sketch to try and do otherwise. They're everywhere, and they're serious.

____________________________________________________

Reading : The Garden of Eden - Hemingway

Streaming: New Char Mix (3OH!3, Hollywood Undead, Justic etc)
____________________________________________________

-Need to:
Man... just job. That's it.

+Want to:
GTFO of here. And not come back Sunday.
Read more whatshername that wrote The Other Boelyn Girl.
____________________________________________________

Is it a problem that %90 of my dreams are sex?

+ Spent some time with Steph, ended up having Sangria at noon with her and Jess. Yeah, staggering. It was really great! We had MWGC too and Jess and I got right smashed.

+ Got my car! Pride. Pride is bursting. I went to the bank, brought that print out to the insurance, got keys made for my wallet and a spare for home. Last steps are to reigster it with the SAAQ and pay the extra taxes, which will set me back another 300 but then BANG all done. Sitting in the little garage with M. Roderique Ranger watching him write my name down on the contract - it really hit me. My name. My signature. My car. When I got home I walked around and around it, looking, touching, peeking, popping the hood, filling up fluid, checking out the trunk (note: replace gas cap). Good feeling. It's a 2.2 litre engine and does accelerate a bit like a boat, though. I can deal.

- Really wanted to finally talk to my manager about having her "let me go". I left her a note asking for some time but she snuck out! Bitch.

+ Sent my cv to Kim (who Steph and I had supper with at Le Balneo, it was our first hang out ouside the office and it was great) at Futur Electronics, since I can drive my car whenevar I could work wherevar in the west island.

+/- Told Steve I'd take him out for sushi since he got into Abbott.

+My parents told me last night at dinner that the loan my Grandma Tutu gave us (half directly to me for the car) is not a loan at all. They've know this for days but only told me last night that I do not have to repay her the $3000. I choked. My hand flew to my throat and I started to tear. I cannot CANNOT beleive her. I called her to try and express how appreciative I am but WOW. I never ever would have expected this, I get $25 dollars on my birthday... nothing like this and it's never bothered me of course. I think what's shocking me more is that she has this genorousity in her. WHICH IS HORRIBLE OF ME. I feel an equal mix of extreme happiness that the account I set up to pay her back will actually be investing towards my futur and guilt at how I've viewed Tutu for so long. Wow, just wow. I want to share. Lexi will know. I want to tell the world but my shock is so great it almost feels wrong to share this. Comme, c'est trops important, trops personel. Bizzare.

+/- Dreamt about some 30 year old internet dirtbag ravaging me in his swanky bungalow. I was acutally staying there for a few days, just to fuck. A mix of Rick and the Jacob LOST revealed to us last night. It was amazing.

____________________________________________________

Reading :Garden of Eden, my first Hemingway

Streaming: PussyCatDolls CD that was in my new used car?? qqf
____________________________________________________

- Need to:
Call Telus re: BB freezing DL'd new software. Still a little bit'o lag, though.
Call Master card re: lowering my interest rate and questioning a double charge from some Martini bar in California from February. Fuck. Turns out it was from a shop I did indeed purchase two items at the same price from. Necklace and a flask(lawl).
Call Insurance re: estimates to insure new car. Man, dealing with that cunt has been so tough. I finally went in yesterday and got shit settled after much "ahah-yuk-yuck-yuck!"s.

+ Want to:
Drive. All day long. To Maine, maybe.
____________________________________________________

Muthursdai

+ Had breakfast at a different breaky place today in Vaudreuil, huge (HUGE) menu but it

- Wasn't great breakfast... my eggs beni had kraft slice cheese.

+ Was still inspired to start a breakfast restaurant registery with the girls. How sick does that sound.

- Some bad coldcut vomiting kept me from Jess' McKibbs birthday outing last night, I know a lot of the people who said they'd go probably didn't show up. I hope me going to Dim Sum, paying a $30 taxi ride, traveling out to Des Sources twice for two different edible images, making a banana chocolate chip cake, buying another chocolate cake, having dinner at Fuji's, attending the Cottage Party and a gifting a subscription to Cosmo magazine will mean enough to her, I mean I know it does and writing it out as a list makes it seem ridic that she'd be bothered I couldn't show last night but that's Jess, she gets easily upset and makes me feel like she doesn't appreciate the 8 million other things. It makes me sad. And stressed.

+ It's mother fuckin' freezing out! Awesome, hold off on the 30 degrees please!

- Miss Steph, miss Lexi.

+ Matt's coming over after work, which is kick ass ('cause he can crack my back haha).

____________________________________________________

Reading: bookless! Waiting for Lexi to hand me more novels or Jess to lend me Klosterman.

Streaming: Hedley.. (shame)
____________________________________________________

Ouu First Post Evar

+ Made Blog. 15 year old illiterate OpenDiary bullshit can stay archived, though.

+ I'm finally making some kind of first adult step. A car! I love driving and am, yes, choosing automobile over apartment. The only thing is there's this four letter word now looming in the foreground of my vision L O A N. Not going to school meant not taking out a loan meant not giving in, but here I am. So the thing is this 2002 blue Cavalier and the garage is repairing brake pads + wheel bearings + the windsheild for uner 3 thou, sounds good to me. I'll miss driving the SUV and lotr knows I'd take a pickup truck over a sedan but that'll come when I'm a 30 year old cougar of a cat lady.

+ Yesterday we had a dinner at Fuji's for Jessica's birthday with a few folks. Tastier than I remembered, tried their sushi, medium quality, too highly priced. Her birthday has been awesome this year except 8 million people bailed on her last night. Our friends are flakes.

+ Steve says I'll make a hot soccer mom in my MommyMobileSUV.

- I spent another 30 bones on the cake and EDIBLE TORSO PHOTO but it made Jess squeal so it's all worth it. Biffels bdays can get pricey.

- I'm at work again and should really be browsing job postings and fixing up my cv so I can get away from this tiny offices' politics, it's cunty two faced manager and 28 hour work weeks.

+ Eric and France are going to another office (shhh secret) and I'm going to send my cv to the manager there, they're going to mention my name so maybe a wonderful full time job could come of this. Also, it gives Eric and I more time to finally move past the bashful eye batting and maybe knock boots.

+ Talked to Steph last night... she got us amazing vip tickets... TO CIRQUE DU SOLEIL!!! WTF

- Debating rex.

_________________________________________________

- Need to:
Call Telus re: BB freezing
Call Master card re: lowering my interest rate and questioning a double charge from some Martini bar in California from February. Fuck.
Call Insurance re: estimates to insure new car.

+ Want to:
Talk next time I'm in instead of spewting halting sentances like a moron (how did it take me so long to realize I'm attracted to him?).
Look at wonderfully lame bumper stickers for said car.
Start proper dream journal.
Get in touch with Grae, it's been a whole month...
Call Kades long distance (side note, she (they, sorry) want me to go to Vancouver for three months that thier roommate is out... aka live with my ex and her new girlfriend?).

____________________________________________________

Reading: Mysterious Skin by Scott Heim

Streaming: M.I.A and 3OH!3
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